___ open post.

[fibrosis]

pic prompt, tfln, top level, &c.
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after 206 because reasons -- nsfw

[alwaysawesome]

x | x | x

'reasons' yes | god i always write so much for pic prompts does this even give you enough to work w?

[fibrosis]

[ he has no idea what's prompted dutch to come back to him recently - more ways than one, sure, but mostly more than once is the sense that he's thinking of. they've both always had their causes and due to their respective paths those causes have occasionally and unoccasionally been aligned and contrary as variables and situations see fit, but as people.. well, they've never had a problem as themselves. at least in as much as either one of them can ever really seem to extricate themselves from their purposes. typically it seems to take great upheaval to do so, which is one of the reasons he's yet to ask her about the change in their recent interactions. if she wants to tell him, she will. until he sees a reason to force the issue, he won't. calling one another on their bullshit is all good and well, but occasionally bullshit is necessary to float and breathe, distasteful though it might be. if they can't trust one another at this point to speak and prod when it's necessary, in either direction, then he's much worse at reading people than he thought.

this casualness though, that's a bit on the new side. he's not entirely accustomed to being able to see her like this - asleep, content, sated, self-indulgent, whathaveyou - and he's not sure how long it will take him to become so but he vaguely hopes that never happens because it's rare to experience wonder anymore, but when he gets the chance to glance over at her, asleep in his bed, he feels it again. she's special, and everyone knows it, but he's not sure what percentage of that 'everyone' understands the blessing it is to see her in that light. to see her so casually, to see her true strength, where it lies so easily amongst the people she trusts, because she is undeniably capable and competent and a warrior, but what he believes to be her real power is her ability to have faith in people despite what she's seen people to be capable of. despite what she's had done to her - and he doesn't know everything but they've known one another long enough for some details to be exchanged.

faith is something he can get behind. perhaps moreso now than before, at least recently, given his own recent issues with such. faith is a precarious thing, balanced on too many variables, and yet somehow she remains constant. even through things that he thought were all but cemented, she remains the constant. he worries mildly about that sort of faith in a person, in the pressure that creates, but he hasn't told her and they have so many unspoken agreements by now - he thinks; after all, they're unspoken - that it isn't likely to matter.

this is all brought on by having woken up too early - he's not willing to get up and check the time precisely, but he knows it's in that unneeded period of time that's neither late nor early, technically. somehow. she's here and she feels safe and he's here and content and both states are so rare for them both and if he brushes his hand along her arm then that's just another form of maintaining contact, right?

he wants. to do things for her. to do things to her. for her to do things to him. it's unusual, but not unwelcome. right now, he's letting her sleep, lightly trailing fingers through her hair now. she deserves the rest until he has anything else useful to say to her, but he can't help the contact so much.

well. he can, he's just. not. maybe recent events have made him mildly more carefree. maybe it was never an issue in the first place. ]