fibrosis | ___ open post.

[ while it might not be necessary in the moment, there is an unrealized pocket of d'avin's brain that appreciates, on a very visceral level, being allowed to feel protective regardless. on every previous occasion of violence he's been the problem, even when not the aggressor, even if a certain argument can be made for passivity.

this is not at all uncorrelated with how, when alvis pushes a little closer, d'avin tightens his arms, reflexively. so ...basically if he wanted to go anywhere, or do anything, that is not be right here (being him, d'avin would say, if he had the frame of reference), for the next uh, while, apparently that is just unacceptable. on a completely instinctive, animal level--well, even the back of the head that close to the jugular is still putting it pretty close to teeth, and this is less, at the end of the day, about d'avin wanting to trust someone else in that capacity, as it is trusting himself. ]

I'm not that short. Dunno about you.

[ hurr, hurr. the height jokes will probably not continue, because alvis is only short comparatively; for a reasonably sized person he'd be about average, but--the point is still that he's joking a little, meaning the possibility of instant death is slightly further away. to wit: ]

Okay. Raising the bar here, no death aaaand--breakfast? [ a pause, which sounds like 'uhhhh' despite how it's silent and only lasts a second ] I don't even know if you eat breakfast.

[ this is readable as 'because we have not spent the night together on prior occasions,' but actually means 'is breakfast razor blades or something,' because d'avin is still sort of an uneducated dick about scarbacks. ]

[ in return, in all honesty, while he would be hard-pressed to admit it - even in relation to how hard-pressed alvis might be to admit anything else - it... doesn't feel bad. to be protected. he knows he has allies, and he knows he has friends, but at the same time, he knows he stands alone amongst most of them as a beacon, or a leader. his time in westhole didn't necessarily prove anything he wasn't already aware of, but at the same time, it's difficult to actually come out of there with precisely the same instincts. instincts that are in fact latent things exacerbated by current events, here and there.

the times he finds himself in situations where it's okay to feel this okay are few and far, and farther still where he knows the feeling is more than situational, but real.

it's dumb, but if someone came through the door right now, he knows each one of them would protect the other as much as they could. morbid reassurance, potentially, but in oldtown more often than not you settle for what you can get. ]

Didn't hear any complaints before.

[ bc okay look he has to say something, re: height, at least, as he moves one of his legs back to tangle with the Oh So Taller Man. ]

Breakfast sounds great. [ Good call D'av. Alvis is actually hungry. Look there was actually a bit of genuine inflection. ]

[ the thing is: you can leave the military, but you will never not be a soldier, no matter where you go or what else you do. d'avin's particularly upsetting experience aside, what that means is when you decide to protect someone else, you mean it. the line between that and self-defense becomes thin as piano wire, because for better or worse you are making that someone else part of you.

so yeah. morbidity aside, d'avin would do that. ]

Hey, no complaints! Zero complaining, to a power of negative complaint...ism.

[ fine, so it sort of fell apart at the end there. no one will have time to pay attention to this, because the next statement out of alvis's mouth makes d'avin sit marginally more up, mostly so he can plant an arm on the other side of his (alvis's--i hate pronouns) head, looking down at him with mock-suspicious mirth. ]

Wait, wait--waaaait a second. Who are you and what have you done with Alvis?

[ inflection! this is obviously an imposter. ]

[ if hearing phrases like that wasn't something alvis was somewhat accustomed to from various directions and individuals, he might mock d'avin for it. there's also the whole thing where he doesn't have time to do that, because his comfortable, warm, solid pillow is suddenly shifting around him and honestly he was kind of comfortable, that was kind of nice, and this is kind of mildly startling in the whole 'not the reaction i was expecting to that' kind of way.

this isn't to say that he doesn't just sort of appear to be levelly watching d'avin shift, and aside from a momentary reflexive glance to the side when there's an arm next to his head, he keeps looking at d'avin's face. ]

I know, it's surprising. We're not actually vampires though, despite all the blood rituals.

[ in the course of this tag, narrative learned that if you accidentally try to type both their names at once it becomes apparent this ship's namesmush would be alvin, as in he of the chipmunks, and once that happens your immersion is just toast, my friend.

...anyway. ]

[ apparently the breakfast adventure is on hold for just a second in favor of settling back down, which--is really fairly self-centered on d'avin's part as much as intuiting anything alvis might want comfort wise; he is personally not ready to emerge from the warm little cocoon here. even if it is, as established, full of foreign objects like plants. ]

Not that, you dick. [ affectionately. ]

I just don't think I've ever heard you sound that excited about anything.

[ ...which should feel kind of insulting, given. last night's givens, but doesn't. ]

[ i have one word to say to you my friend: d'avis. it even sounds like birds. it's uplifting, and doesn't remind me of this one song thing i did in a talent show.

ANYWAY ]

[ i meant to say that alvis had, for a split second when d'avin started to move almost immediately after he had expressed an interest in breakfast, thought that d'avin was just going to apparently spring out of bed and start locating food, because for some reason d'avin was maybe also hungry and waiting, or... something?? the thought ended really before alvis could actually figure out where it was going, but. it did happen for a split second and it was worth mentioning even belatedly.

alvis is only very slightly disappointed food is on hold, because he actually is fairly hungry already, but he doesn't mind putting it off because yes this is nice. still. now that the heating pad has settled back down. alvis might be hungry but he's also still settling back against d'av now that the other man has in turn settled back down. ]

Next time you come over we can open that drawer over there then, if that's the problem.

[ nay, when food is to be gathered they will go together. in that grossly obvious 'ah look at us wandering the street together all twitterpated' configuration no one can stand early in the morning. thus, in the meanwhile:]

You don't say.

[ this is just 'hmmm' with actual words in it, covering a whole slew of things: one, no matter how casual this is, or isn't, or ...who knows, it's always nice to hear there's a next time in the cards, two, given d'avin's earlier wonderings about the metallic content (haha) of alvis's possibly breakfast who knows what is in that drawer if it's going to make him inflect, ftlot (for the love of trees, naturally), and three, of course, all of that is pretty intriguing. ]

I want you to know I have a sound policy against anything that's going to bite me back. [ a pause. ] At least before I get some coffee in me.

[ is he making a great effort to keep a serious face on? you don't know, the heating pad's face is all the way back here. really thoroughly enjoying being a heating pad. ]

Edited (stray extra syllables) 2017-01-27 14:10 (UTC)

[ oh no, don't make him do that; he'd be showing personal emotion in public. his persona. what would people say?

honestly, on his side, the only level of uncertainty he has in regards to any sort of 'next time' depends on d'avin, but then again he does know that he's somewhat on the more flexible end of that sort of thing. the fact that his comment about a next time at all seems to have been taken positively is nice, even if it never winds up coming to fruition. retroactive reassurance that d'avin is still okay with what's going on, that maybe he's even forgotten - even if for a few moments - that just a couple minutes ago he was asking alvis to please be sure not to suddenly die just because of last night's events.

then again, he might have simply distracted the man, but at the moment he'll still count that as a positive considering he wasn't initially sure that would even be possible. plus, on a much more selfish and superficial route, that d'avin didn't even seem to bat an eyelash at the implication - and for all alvis knows might have even fluttered a few in interest based on that reaction - well that's also just rather encouraging isn't it? ]

You won't be the one being bitten if everything goes to plan. [ and it sounds like he might stop there for about half a second before ] Unless you want to be. [ because he wouldn't be alvis without weird lead-ins and significant pauses. speaking of that, actually: ] Does a 'sound policy' just refer to sounds or are you saying that's a hard no before caffeine? Those might have different implications.

[ probably the same thing they would say about the Human Slab they usually see like, chasing someone with a tire iron. i.e. "well that's weird. anyway, time to go on about the business of trying not to starve inside this wall!"

...maybe. but meanwhile: even if d'avin has just momentarily forgotten, or is equally momentarily distracted, eventually he's going to look up and realize hey, alvis hasn't exploded yet and he, personally, has not tried to murder anyone this entire last hour! and that will be such a revelation he might fall over out of relief, so let's hope monkpants is prepared to catch him.

or has a net handy or something. at this point in time, however, d'avin shifts around enough that they can at least look at each other while not like, being any less bodily attached; apparently this means he just became alvis's body pillow, but honestly that sounds kind of awesome. and speaking of speaking of sounds (you see what happened there): ]

That's ...I dunno, at least a soft no to anything that requires batteries. Before caffeine. People teeth though?

[ 'people teeth' is, of course, the technical term; he clacks his together, helpfully. they are a little crooked in places, which is stupidly endearing to some people aka me. ]

Those're fine. A-OK, no negotiation necessary.

[ he actually makes the 👌🏻 hand, because recreational biting is serious (ly fun) business. ]

[ shhhhh let him over-analyze his own position as it relates to the scarbacks, the resistance, and his own personal interest in genuinely helping the individual regardless of whatever other agenda he might have the doesn't actually contradict but sort of sometimes might overpower that specific one despite his best efforts. not that he thinks that highly of himself, but there's a great deal of overthinking things and then dismissing them that sometimes goes hand in hand with intuition, regardless of how well suited one's gut is to working things out for itself.

monkpants can definitely catch him, even if they're out getting breakfast, to disregard literally everything in my first paragraph. what he'll actually do with an armful of relieved ex-soldier once that's happened though - that will depend entirely on the moment.

body pillows are great. honestly alvis is quietly pleased with all the contact - he's been aware as to how his particular method of practising faith can be odd, and even specifically so to d'avin here and there, and while he's got little issue getting casual contact it's still... nice. to receive it from a friend like this. because like it or not they are friends, and more or less have been by default both via their own interaction and because of their other mutual relationships. alvis doesn't often make connections that are this... he's not even sure how to categorize it. that are this. it's appreciated, on a level that he'll probably never be able to articulate save through pretend spiders and dusty junk. ]

People teeth. As opposed to all those other ones I keep handy, damn. [ and really dry commentary, which is in no way at all contradicted by adjusting slightly to be more comfy in this new position d'avin's given them both. also bless gmail for apparently displaying symbols chrome won't?? the 'okay' gesture is dorky even by alvis' standards, but he mostly keeps that to himself bc it's also cute and he won't admit that either. ] I don't keep very much here but caffeine could likely be arranged.

[ ........wait that sounds really like. 'commit'y. maybe that's not right rn. ]

Should it be necessary.

Hey,

[ inflects d'avin, all mock-offended-- ]

I don't know what kind of teeth you keep around. It could be a scarback thing to wear them as jewelry.

[ ... ]

Come to think of it, that does sound like a scarback thing.

[ Either he really is this blithely airheaded, or he's playing that up, set rough and scratchy against the dry commentary. More of this, what makes it, them, this. This friction that works somehow, wearing away surface impurities all the way down to the reflection underneath. The idea that they're more alike than either of them would, previously, have particularly cared to admit got tacitly passed between them, probably between the pretend spiders and dusty junk.

Anyway, if D'avin parses caffeine as particularly 'commit'y, he doesn't say so. Or maybe he's perfectly okay with at least a little of that commitment business. ]

It's totally, absolutely, vitally necessary. If you can get it without getting up.

[ Out of this huge manacle-armed full body hug, that is. ]

Edited 2017-03-04 15:50 (UTC)

___ open post.

no subject

one day i'll have more than seven icons and that day will be when i suddenly have 200

no subject

still laughing @ 'is breakfast razor blades' btw. alvis is horrible halloween candy now

the kind children are warned about

exactly. .....which is hilarious bc it's /alvis/

idk i think some parents would warn their children about sadomasochistic theosophers

nah i think there are plenty of roman catholics around

oh, some protestant parents definitely warned their kids about those, especially in the 50s

i like that they're talking about biting here and dutch is already there in the other thread

jesus christ i am SO SHAMED by how long this took